It was a mistake to take break over the holidays from writing. Here I am with nothing to say, but a mind cluttered with thoughts and reminders. I took a personal retreat today last week. A day to consider all the things I do, prioritize them, and get them on the calendar. It was a day to remember what’s important to me and how I can use each day to reach my goals. Then, I had this week. The husband was out of town on business and there was rain and insomnia. I’m exhausted. I asked a friend, whose husband is regularly not available to help with housework and childcare, how she does it. She said she has drastically different expectations about what can be accomplished in a day. So, there’s that.
If I’m honest, there were many victories this week. Despite really wanting to just go the easy route and order a pizza on night three of no husband whose flight home was now cancelled, we didn’t. I mean, instead we had rice and frozen fish sticks, but still. I didn’t spend money or add another pizza box to the trash bin.
My work and volunteering actually went well this week. I successfully helped some people and that’s always good. I’ve prepped for a gathering at our home tomorrow. I even read another chapter in a book I’m reading about wealth and poverty in early Christian formation. I’ll share all about it when I’m done.
On the other hand, our son has been late to school every single day this week. Every night, bedtime has been a cliché of yelling and empty threats and tears and regrets. I gave up on selling some clothes we’d received over the holidays and just donated them.
There’ve been a thousand little things that filled the days with joy and stress. Reading to the kids every night. Hugging them, kissing them, avoiding them. Forgetting the notes in their lunches. Not having new music ready for my piano students. Starting the training for the Buy Nothing Project. Committing to a Three Good Things challenge and promptly forgetting to do it.
Here’s why I write, because now, here, at the bottom of the page, I know what I want. I want to tell you about the Buy Nothing Project and I want to improve our recycling. So I’m going to work on those things and tell you about them next week.
I press on and I hope you do too. I start my day in prayer because I’m entirely ordinary – a peculiar combination of strengths and weaknesses. I pray because I need to start with what’s important, and that’s rarely ever my to-do list. I begin with the things eternal – love, grace, peace, justice. When I fix my eyes on those things, when I remember I am loved by God, I can resist the temptation to fill my needs with things and accomplishments, only to condemn myself later for my foolishness.
Sometimes.
As you look back on your week, I hope you can recall your victories. Even small steps in the right direction are worthwhile.