Progress?

Am I making any progress? What does progress look like?

I started writing to record how was changing and transforming me in regards to my relationship with money. My premise is God cares about the marketplace insofar as how money is yet another way to love God and love others. God has already been working on this in me for at least a year and a half, if not longer. The process is slow.

Is it slow because God’s time is different than my time? Is it slow because I still don’t really understand or have a clear vision of what the final goal is? Or is it slow because I’m distracted by the rest of life and using those distractions to avoid possibly difficult changes I need to make?

What does a healthy, God-honoring relationship with money look like?

• A growing desire and discipline of generosity
• A clear understanding of need vs. want
• The ability to save and delay gratification
• Freedom from worry/anxiety about money
• Confidence that how money is earned and used is pleasing to God – environmentally sustainable, fair wages, reduced waste.

Well, at least, that’s what I want from this process. What does God want?

On the one hand, I think my desire and ability to be generous has grown. I feel more confident in being generous with friends and family and strangers. Trusting that God will bless the gifts given and is pleased with my efforts to be faithful and generous and kind. In doing our taxes, I discovered that we gave away around 5% of our gross income to charitable organizations. This is an improvement from last year, and I’m really glad for that. I’m curious what life would be like if we reached the biblical tithe 10%. Is it progress if we give away 6-7% this year?
Preparing our tax return is the only time I really track what we give away. It was really lovely to remember what had moved our hearts to give and rekindled the hope that the gifts given were a blessing to others.

Additionally, I am preparing to end my work as a piano teacher. I have wanted to stop for several years but have continued on because the income became so valuable. What started as a way to earn an income became the chance to make music, teach, work outside the home, and build relationships with other kids. However, piano teaching is not my passion. It was not meant to be my career. Leaving it seems foolish and yet it is a daring act of faith for me. It grieves me to think about ending these relationships and this work. I don’t know what I am moving on to. There’s no new job on the horizon and I don’t know how we’ll cut expenses. I should be terrified. I have children to care for. Mostly, this is faith and hope. I trust God will provide a way. I believe God will help me reduce expenses, provide new work and new income, or some other God-way through this. I am trusting that by letting go of this that the changes ahead will transform and discipline me to be able to save, delay gratification, understand the difference between need vs. want.

On the other hand, I still don’t know if I’m getting any better. I spend more money than I want to in restaurants and fast food. I meal plan for the whole week and usually prepare to make 7 dinners with enough leftovers for lunch. Eating out should really be a once in a while treat. Truthfully, we eat out about once or twice a week. We get tired of cooking and cleaning. We get busy and run out of time to make something at home. Buying a meal out means we can spend more time with each other, support the local restaurants, and enjoy the company of friends. It also means spending more money, dealing with excess salt and sugar in our diets, and frequently, we’re still tired and the kids are overstimulated. Also, there’s so much waste – fast food leftovers in styrofoam is disgusting. I feel guilty. Does God care about this? Is a weekly break in meal planning/prep/cleanup a want or need?

If we had more more money, I don’t know that we’d eat out more often or eat at better restaurants. Mostly, I wish I just didn’t feel bad about it. Specifically, I wish it wasn’t so unhealthy and I wish the cost wasn’t such a large percentage of our budget. If I’m honest, the ease and convenience of dining out is valuable. I enjoy cooking and I like the meals I make but I don’t know that I want to make every meal every week. That sounds like a lot of work and lot of being at home. What would progress look like?